There’s this squirrel in my yard that has been really bothering me lately.

It’s getting into everything. Digging holes in my garden. Making annoying noises at night.

I can’t seem to get rid of it.

I’ve tried all the usual stuff and nothing is working.

Just so you know, I’m really against guns. I know they are dangerous.

But I really just need to nip this in the bud.

Please don’t talk to me about traps or even pistols or rifles. I don’t have time for that.

I’ve had to deal with this before and the only thing that really works is a bazooka.

Or a grenade launcher.

By the way, my neighbor just got a bazooka and it took care of her squirrel in just a few days.

…

Believe it or not, this is a conversation I have with people almost every day!

And their request for a bazooka always seems completely reasonable to them.

Even if I try to explain that it might be overkill – and perhaps do more damage than good – they refuse to listen and even accuse me of just wanting them to suffer with the squirrel tormenting them forever!

…

Ok, ok. I don’t talk with people about squirrels and bazookas.

But you may have guessed what I am talking about.

Yep…

Antibiotics and upper respiratory illnesses.

It does seem a little crazy when you put it this way, doesn’t it?

No?

Ok… I’ll radio the submarine to launch the ballistics.

That should do it.

🙂