I was recently able to go on a quiet retreat with some friends of mine. We had a lot of solitude and also times of meaningful discussions. One topic was that of the holidays.

Many of us had a sense of nostalgia about when we were children – the magic, the wonder, the idyllic experience we had at Grandma’s house. It was full of people and food and presents.

I think there is a yearning in every adult to go back to Grandma’s house and have it be just like it was.

However, we were able to confess that our perspective as children was likely a bit different from the adults’ who were cleaning, cooking, preparing, buying, and planning. If the event is going to be pulled off, at least someone is going to have to grow up and be the adult!

As we reflected, we recognized that we’ve seen people, determined to recreate their perceived magical childhood holiday experiences, try to force it to happen. They make very specific plans, buy very specific foods, and have a very specific expectation about how the holiday event should transpire.

Of course, this almost always backfires.

When you are trying to coordinate so much, it is almost assured that something will go awry. Someone will be sick or late or have to leave early. A food item won’t be cooked properly. Inevitably, something important will have been forgotten.

Oh no! The holiday is ruined! It’s not like Grandma’s!

Not so.

Because, as we talked, we realized that a magical holiday experience has remarkably little to do with the food, presents, and specifics of the event.

As we all know deep down, the magic comes from the people and the memories.

But perhaps even more importantly – and this was our biggest take-home – whether the party is a failure or success almost entirely hangs on the attitude and demeanor of the host.

For example, as we reflected, we realized that Grandma, although she was constantly busy, was never anxious or stressed. She did not have a rigid agenda and she always had the time to bend over and give a grandchild a hug and kiss. Nothing was going to ruin Thanksgiving or Christmas because Grandma had the right heart about it all. And that was felt by everyone.

I suspect that this is a learned thing. Grandma had done quite a few holidays and, I’m sure, had been through her share of let-downs and disappointments. But by the time us grandkids came along, she had finally perfected the art of letting things go and just enjoying the holiday for what it was – with all the ups and downs and unexpected surprises.

Like with most things, the more we force it, the less likely it is to happen.

Or, as Jesus says, “He who wants to save his life will lose it, but he who loses his life for Him will find it.”

Paradoxically, there is abundance to be gained when we let things go.

…

I hope that you have a wonderful holiday season and that this speaks to you.

If you are being gracious enough to host, do it will selfless gladness. We can make it magical just by being genuinely glad to see whoever shows up.

Beyond the food and presents and all the planning that goes into it, it’s really our hearts that matter.